Out of the Sand
I think my head is coming out of the sand. I think I’m up and looking about. I’m not sure but I’ve read about 4 blogs (no, not yours and not yours either). I’ve played Civilization, visited my family, gotten spanked fairly regularly, fallen into no unforeseen summer disasters (yet and please none, thank you) and finally – this weekend – have felt the restlessness that tells me that it’s either time to bury myself in a novel or at least write a bit.
So I ran away from a first-grade birthday party mid-stream and sat here staring at the computer screen wondering where to start. For the sake of explanations, my usually part-time job becomes super-timed beginning in April every year and concluding at approximately the end of June. Partially this is because of a big convention and partially this is because the end of the fiscal year is June 30. Either way, it’s a lot of work and besides my own duties I actually recruited Chris and my mom to help at times so that I could ration myself 3 hours of sleep a night, go to swimming lessons, help the princess with her homework the last two weeks of school and be conscious enough of the world around me to be grateful that Chris did so much of the shopping and cooking. Otherwise we might have subsisted on fast food. In May I worked 220 hours and in June I worked 340 hours.
After that it takes a bit to recover. There’s sleep, of course, and the 30+ thank you cards, groceries, housekeeping (getting ready for the cleaner to come, we have one now after months of successive illnesses this spring – yay!), laundry, little girl time, etc. I’m also having a bit of a crisis of faith again, I think – not in Chris, but in me and in myself and in how I see the world. I really believe that’s precipitated in part by my job but also by our homeless souls here. For all that I needed a break from the politics of the church where Chris and I were in southern California, I’m now almost equally desperate to be one of God’s worshipers – a member of a community of believers. We haven’t found the right church home here and the longer it goes on, the more I see it as one of the most serious downsides of our move away from southern California. That’s a topic for the Daily Examen, I know, but it’s starting to weigh on my mind every time I stop and think now.
I’m not wanting to stop doing things long enough to think about anything.
More importantly, though, I really don’t have anything about me to write about. I have stories to tell, acerbic comments to make about certain politicians and the value systems of our media. But as far as kink and love go, well, it’s going. Chris spanks me. We have sex. Sometimes I like the spanking, almost always I wish I wasn’t so tired or it wasn’t late at night after the princess’s especially late summer bedtime.
Usually I want to sit around aimlessly and ponder some random point on the ceiling for no discernible reason.
So yes, I think my head is out of the sand. And I’m drifting…. whether aimless drifting is a problem or not, I have yet to find out. I’m rarely without a goal or a purpose and right now my purpose seems to be to enjoy time with the sparkling girl who wants to be friends with everyone, especially me.
I’m not sure that’s a good thing or a bad thing. It just is.
Themocracy
I’ve learned that you HAVE to take time to appreciate the small stuff. The fact that the princess wants to be friends with you is a good thing and will be the foundation for a relationship that not all mothers and daughters have later on. Take advantage of all of it, every little thing that makes your life good. You’ll be glad that you did.
Oh, I’m already glad
.
s
I don’t know how you do it, sweetie. That’s just way too much work. My experience is that the burnout lasts longer each time I do something like that. I hope you have some time to relax and recover and that you get to do plenty of things for yourself.
Big hugs,
Indy
I’m trying, but the things for myself are generally at the cost of work, which just piles up on the back end, if you know what I mean!
s
Welcome back-ish!
*hugs you hard*
WHERE ARE YOU? I can’t find you anywhere.
Oh, right, that baby & wife thing. They are very time-consuming
.
Hugs back,
s
You’re right in the middle of the sleepless years. It does get better, really. Right now, take every opportunity for friendship that your daughter offres you.
I’m trying. Sometimes she’s just SO friendly I can hardly keep up though
s
So glad to see you back! Just hang in there, walk slowly through it, hold tight to each other and you’ll come to where you want to be.
Thanks Impish. I’m glad you’re still here. A lot of my readers disappear in May & June every year.
http://www.msia.org just MIGHT work really well for you and Chris re: the spiritual/Church/faith thing.
Just saying it’s worth checking out:)
And girl, you’re working waaaaaay TOO MUCH. A 60 hour week or a 240 hour month is burn-out, even if the paychecks are great.
And don’t get me started on politics. Hasn’t been a politican I respected since FDR died.
Thanks! I’ll read about it. And yes, it was too much. I sort of wish I didn’t love what I do, you know? It would be easier to quit and find something else….
s
Please refer to me as “Jinx” in your posts. I always loved that name and see it as a positive rather than a negative. It sounds like you need to take some time out for yourself. Obviously, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. It’s so good that you have a husband (Chris) who is so supportive and helpful around the house and with you getting your work done. I am an English instructor at a college, so I’m always looking for good books to keep me going. I can suggest more than a few if you’re interested. I don’t want to take up too much space here for that though. Also, treasure your time with the princess. It goes so fast. Before you turn around, your kids are adults, and they really don’t need you anymore. My two live out of town (one in L.A.) and the other in North Carolina. I miss them like crazy and look back fondly on all the times we did have together when they were young and I was just finding my way around parenthood and life in general. You seem like such a lovable person. I wish we could know each other, but I live thousands of miles away from you (at least I think I do). As for your church and being a member of a religious community, I’ve been there and done that with my own religion (different from yours). I finally just gave up in disgust, and now I just worship G-d on my own time and terms. I also am disgusted with the politics and media of today’s world. It sucks. And believe it or not, I have a first cousin who is actually running for the job of Treasuerer of our state. He is already a representive in the state House of Representatives in our capital. What hypocracy I see in him and all the people who are surrounding him and supporting him. BTW, he’s a Republican and very conservative. Yuk! I hope this wasnt’ too long a post. This is my first time delurking. I’m so proud of myself. You don’t have to publish the whole thing. I just wanted to let you know that I love your blog, and I look forward to every new entry. If you want a list of good books, I can help you out for sure. Take good care of yourself and your family. They sound like very extraordinary people who will add a lot to our society.
Love,
Jinx
Jinx,
Thanks so much for commenting! I have a super-long list of books on my ‘to read’ list, many of them re-reads or skipped classics. But suggest away!
s